Courage in Action: Building Bridges Across Difference
It’s one thing to discuss a disagreement with someone within the context of a shared culture—whether ethnic, professional, religious, political, or rooted in some other common tradition. It’s another to find yourself in a social setting where a stranger confronts you with a disagreement, particularly one you may find offensive or morally wrong.
You have a choice: engage and hope you can control your emotions or walk away. It is somewhat like “fight or flight,” but engagement need not be a fight. It is risky, though. And it certainly requires courage. Mitch Davidowitz, MSW, a psychotherapist and writer, notes that, “There are countless moments in our life when we must call upon our courage… Courage is not a display of forced or false strength. It is the ability and willingness to hold space for everything which arises.”
This is where the skills of bridging are applied. At its core, bridging involves being curious enough to ask why someone holds a particular concern and why they chose to express it to you, a stranger. Is it possible that this was their way of opening a dialogue, even though it seemed offensive?
Bridging can foster connection by seeing, hearing, understanding, and appreciating what another person (or group) believes about an issue. Perhaps it is purely attitudinal. Perhaps it is an interpretation of fact. Perhaps their position places you in a vulnerable position or calls you to question your own assumptions.
The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, lists courage as one of the core principles of bridging. Others include intellectual humility, curiosity, patience, and empathy. The Center defines courage as “the willingness to take values-driven risks in service of connection. This might include engaging with others when it’s hard and when discomfort, conflict, or fear might tempt us to withdraw.”
It is a “practice,” Davidowitz says, something akin to a muscle that grows stronger with use. “Trust and resilience are strengthened as we mobilize courage. Awakening our lionheart is a practice rooted in stepping forward in moments when we want to disappear.”
Many people choose not to engage and instead remain in discomfort because of perceived intractable differences. But that is what contributes to polarization and the disintegration of society.
In my work, I have often found myself in situations where I have either been called to help resolve conflict or simply participate in a social occasion where I meet someone with a profoundly different opinion. While some may avoid these discussions, others realize that honest engagement—even if it ends in agreeing to disagree—can lead to trust.
Once, I was called into arbitration over a dispute between community groups. It required courage from all participants to commit to that closed-door process. A skilled arbitrator spent a long evening helping the parties come to know themselves better as individuals, understand their motivations, and examine the reasoning behind their positions. While the experience was exhausting, it led to a productive relationship and a willingness to cooperate. That became the foundation for a bridge that, over time, resulted in working friendships and greater integrity in the community development process.
Courage may seem to some like a cliché. But anyone who has jumped into water over their head without knowing how to swim understands there is always a reason for doing it. And a push.
Dennis Archambault – IFLC Board of Directors
